07 Oct 2016by catcares
The Hardest Confession
The hardest part about this campaign for me, is not admitting to the world I was abused.
I spent years conditioning myself to believe I could take pain. Of all kinds.
Many of us do this.
Emotionally, physically, verbally, mentally, psychologically, and even spiritually I found ways to convince myself daily that it was better for me to endure than someone else. I was “strong.” I was “selfless.”
The part of this confession I still struggle to accept is that the people who hurt me are in fact “abusers.” I was also a self-abuser. I had to be freed from myself.
Regardless what I told myself or you tell yourself – the fact remains they are abusers. You have been abused. They abused you. You abused you by staying and believing the things you were told. And it won’t just go away. You have to let them go. You have to let your attachment to good memories and good times go.
I pray to never be in an abusive situation again, however it requires me to stay aware, have trusted accountability, and pray daily to make better decisions. It has changed everything about my life as I knew it to be.
This isn’t something you step away from and don’t touch ever again. That won’t break your cycle. The cycle is broken through implementing habitual life changes and surrounding yourself with healthy people. Daily prayer.
That is what the awareness is about. Leaving is sadly sometimes the easy part. It’s staying away from that life is what breaking an addiction feels like.
I hope this message reaches a person’s heart. Just because we can survive it doesn’t mean we deserve to go through it. Just because God will bring us through it, doesn’t mean we have to drag ourselves into it.
There are always signs. Do not ignore red flags.
This is why you MUST fill yourself up with goodness. This is why you MUST guard your heart. It determines the path of your life. (Proverbs 4:23)
I was loyal to a fault. I still am. I never want to make the person out I loved more than anyone to be a monster. My ex- best friend, the man I was preparing to marry, wanted to hurt me and I have to accept that. That is how I heal. And that is how you will too.
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